IC INBOX; CEREALIA

[kaihentai]

[All that can be heard is the sound of a man spilling his guts- Literally. He's losing his lunch over and over again. After an dismaying array of wretching noises, a voice finally echoes throughout.]

Is this thing on?

[BEEEEEEP.]

Comments

[kaihentai]

Oh.

[He's overstepped his boundaries.]

Sure. But...

If it's the kissing, or anything like that... I-

I'm sorry.

[Sakamoto lets go of her hand, stepping back.]

I shouldn't do this. It was wrong of me, all those times...!

[helmets]

[ she's quick to respond, the feeling of cold air hitting her empty hand jarring her senses. ]

Please don't misunderstand, it's not about that.

[ did he want to do them? did he want to kiss her? or was that just more of his teasing?

it takes her a moment to come up with what she wants to say, typing and deleting her words right after. eventually, she settles on something. ]

This is a first for me too. I feel a lot of emotions when we are together, a lot of them I've never felt before. I don't know how I feel about that yet and I'm not entirely sure how to explain it properly.

I don't want to worry or inconvenience you.

[kaihentai]

[Sakamoto's arms shoot up, reaching around his own body. He can feel himself shiver, but he needs to talk.]

I made a mistake. I made so many mistakes.

I shouldn't have done any of those things- I was stupid.

Flirting, and all that! It makes me feel like a human being. I thought it did the same for you.

[Slowly, he takes one step in the opposite direction.]

I didn't mean to hurt you. I-

[He trips over his own two feet, stumbling backwards.]

I didn't mean it.

[helmets]

[ something cold creeps along her back when she sees him moving away and she can't help but think she made a mistake, that she ruined it. she doesn't bridge the distance between them, worried it may make him more uncomfortable. ]

Tatsuma, you didn't hurt me. I'm not upset.

[ she said the wrong thing somehow. this is what she wanted to avoid, by not talking about it until she knew her own feelings. ]

It did do the same for me. I feel more alive than I've ever felt in my lifetime. It's a little overwhelming, yes, and a little confusing. But not unpleasant.

[ she moves a little closer then, footsteps light and ginger, as if afraid of scaring him off. ]

I'm right here. It's okay.

[kaihentai]

["More alive than I've ever felt in my lifetime."

How long has she lived? Her soul aches like it's been around for centuries, and he doesn't know for sure, but she seems calm and practiced because she's had to learn to be patient. To wait.

But for what? She had mentioned that she didn't know what she wanted.

What made her happy.]

You feel the same?

[helmets]

Yes.

[ she'd felt more human in ikebukuro, but never had she felt this much since meeting him. they well up inside her slowly, threaten to lodge themselves in her chest with no where else to go, nothing to relieve them. but it feels wonderful at the same time, it reminds her that she exists. reminds her that she has a right to, like every other living being. ]

I'm not human, Tatsuma. Sometimes, I forget about that when I'm around you.

[kaihentai]

You may not be human but...

That doesn't make you any less important.

[How strange.

He recalls being spat at for being human, being made to understand that he doesn't have the power to shoot lasers out of his eyes or bulldoze skyscrapers with his bare hands. But his whole life, he has valued himself. Valued his ambition, his skill at his craft, and his cunning (when he actually bothers to use it).]

Please understand that.

[helmets]

I do.

[ death is life's constant companion, or so the saying goes. she was not made particularly to value herself, but she is unashamed and has nothing to hide from him. the fact that he never ceases to remind her of how she should value herself means a lot to her. ]

I understand.

[kaihentai]

Your life's worth a helluva lot.

Livin' ain't about flesh and blood, at least, not for me. It's about bein' happy. Connecting with others.

[He shrugs one shoulder.]

I'm sorry. I don't know a lot about you, but I respect that sometimes you don't feel like talking. I just like... Like I said before! I just like bein' here.

[helmets]

[ she can agree to that too. she'd connected with so many others after leaving ireland. formed more bonds that she would have expected.

but: ]

You don't have to apologize.

[ he does that a lot. is it because she's not as open with her thoughts? he can't see her face, it must be a little difficult for him. ]

You can ask me anything, I'll answer. You've already seen me for what I am.

[kaihentai]

Beautiful, you mean?

[Ugh.

There he goes again. He just can't seem to shut up.]

I know you don't believe me. But that's how I feel.

[helmets]

[ something blooms in her chest when she hears it, warm and fragile. she wants to look down, tell him she's not what he thinks, but ultimately refrains. ]

It's not that I don't believe you.

[ she's just never seen herself like that, is all. ]

Thank you, it's kind of you to say. I mean it.

[kaihentai]

The reason I told you all of those things...

Is because I've seen all kinds of folk. Not just human. People from outer space, alright? There are plenty of monsters in human skin.

What makes a monster is the heart- It beats oddly, too quickly or almost not at all. Yours is fine.

[Why is he saying all this-]

Kind. There's nothing wrong with you.

[helmets]

[ monsters in human skin. that's what she is too, at the end of the day. how many people have called her that? too many to count.

but he's never once thought of her that way, and despite her lacking a heart to begin with, she understands. ]

I don't think there's anything wrong with you either.

[ he's kind too. kinder than anyone she's ever met. ]

[kaihentai]

Nah! There's loads of stuff that's wrong with me! It's alright, though.

There's plenty that's good about me too.

[He's accepted it.

Nobody survives a war without playing dirty. He's cheated at the game his whole life, but that's because that's how the game is played. It's the only way to win.

To keep other people from being hurt for his foolishness.]

[helmets]

That's not very fair of you.

[ if he can say there's nothing wrong w/ her she can say there's nothing wrong w/ him ok, wow. ]

But I will have to agree.

[kaihentai]

Yeah. Maybe it isn't.

[He clicks his tongue.]

I don't play fair.

[helmets]

Perhaps I need to be more wary around you.

[ or she's going to fall hard and fast. not that she hasn't started already. ]

[kaihentai]

[And then, with a laugh as loud as an ambulance siren, he does something daring.

With little warning, he dips her, face getting awfully close to her helmet.]

Maybe.

[helmets]

[ ah.

she grips his shoulders, startled by the motion and their proximity. something in her flutters, makes her tilt her helmet after a moment out of embarrassment. ]

Tatsuma, are you threatening me?

1/2

[kaihentai]

2/2

[kaihentai]

N-no, I...

I'm sorry. I'd let you go but I don't want to drop you. It's... I was flirting.

[helmets]

[ her shoulders lift briefly in silent laughter, curling an arm around his neck. she leans up to press her helmet lightly against his forehead. ]

I know.

[kaihentai]

[The skin on the back of his neck is sensitive, and even though he can only feel her fingers through the fabric of his scarf, breath does pass from between his lips. He catches it midway, laughing in relief as she clarifies.

He closes his eyes for a moment, with their foreheads pressed together.

Is this what lovers do?]

Man! You really scared me.

[helmets]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

[ she's not super apologetic though. ]

You seem like the type to enjoy a little excitement in life.